Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
