i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
