hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
