the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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