You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
