that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
