i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
