I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
