Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
