singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
