I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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