I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
