A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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