The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
