I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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