i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
