update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
