Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
