so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
