Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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