the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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