i already hear my dad disowning me
I think I am morally bankrupt
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
