like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
