I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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