I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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