careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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