and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
