it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
