Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
