with your own penis?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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