Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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