Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
ok first of all what the fuck
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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