OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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