tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
