i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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