At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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