Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
