Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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