Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
