they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My cat gives me a boner
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
