I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
