what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i now understand why vodka
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
