I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
