i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
