So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
