i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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