I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
