i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
