nut hugger
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
