I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
